I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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