So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
