i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
