Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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