Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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