my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
