how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think a kid would responsible me up
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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