So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
