Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
