I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize