do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
