My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
