My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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