Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
