i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
