Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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