Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
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so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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