omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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