The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
