i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
