you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
