I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
