You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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