ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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