After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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