I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
