I faked an abortion last night.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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