these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
