im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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