I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
