I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
