I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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