I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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