Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
