I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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