Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
she pinky promised me she was 18
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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