Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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