So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm gonna fight the coyote
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
