I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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