I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
