Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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