69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
