david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
