Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize