So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
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Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
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I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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