I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
