she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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