I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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