a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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