I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
