Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
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it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
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Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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