At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
