dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
