Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
