Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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