She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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