dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
