is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
