i just wanna soil my oats bro
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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