At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
