I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize