I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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