I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
