so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
