yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
