Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
