It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
